A Slice of My Heaven

 I have severely neglected this blog lately, so I'm making up for it with a reverse-chronology of photos and a few sparse words. I adore these sweet angels! I love how they want to be close, comfort each other when they are crying, talk to each other, and hold hands. I love their smiles, holding them close, hearing their cries, and watching them grow! Enjoy some of my favorite shots below:

 Cricket above, Peanut below.

 Cricket above, Peanut below.

 Peanut above andbelow.

 

Cricket above, Peanut below. 

 Baby blessings, where their dad blesses them andgives them names. We believe little children are perfect and innocent and that they don't begin to reach the age of accountability until they are age 8. In other words, little children can't sin, so they can't repent. Peanut, then Cricket.

 Pics of Cricket:

 Peanut pinching Cricket's cheek. This happens often. More Cricket below:

 Peanut above, Cricket below:

 Cricket trying to look at Daddy while eating.

 Cricket at her 2 month appt above, and getting Daddy loves after her shots below.

 Peanut above, Cricket below.

 Peanut above and below.

 Peanut and Cricket.

 Peanut above and below.

 Cricket above.

 Cricket above, Peanut below.

 Peanut punching Cricket.

 Cricket.

 Peanut, Cricket

 Peanut above, Penny wants some of Cricket's milk below.

 Merry Christmas to us!

 Peanut above,

 Cricket L, Peanut R above and below.

Peanut above. Goodnight!

Going Vegan

Last year I made a decision. One day I was on my hands and knees scrubbing floors and doing Jillian workouts and the next I realized I was having contractions while doing those things. I slowly scaled back my activity so that my preclampsia wouldn't put me on bed rest, and my decision to be fairly stagnant allowed me to make it 36 weeks with the freedom to remain somewhat mobile before the doc took the girls. The other decision I made was to let myself go and bulk up so that the girls would be big enough when they came, knowing they would come early with my high-risk pregnancy. With twin preemie birth weights of 5-11 and 6+, I don't regret my decision. I assumed I could whip it right off once they arrived, but didn't account for a c-section, followed by two weeks of sickness that prevented me from exercising. Nor did I account for the fact that breastfeeding would require such vigilance to maintain a sufficient milk supply for twins. Weight-loss was not my goal after giving birth, being a happy good mom was. I'll have years to take weight off, but I only have one year of having babies, and they are my dream come true.

Where am I going with this? I am currently a size 16. I am kind of excited, because it's the only time I'll get to experience what others deal with every day. I'm not ashamed to be that size right now. It was a choice I made, and I now get to experience what it's like to really lose weight, only I need to let myself be overweight for a little longer, maybe like seven months longer. Anyway, it will be my next personal challenge, and I'm excited for the journey.

Breastfeeding poses some interesting limitations to weight loss. My girls have a milk protein allergy. I've never lost weight without dairy, and that was when I only had 10-15 lbs to lose. Now we are talking 40-50. I have little time for food prep, so I purchased some prepared foods, only to find that they have dairy in them (or beans, broccoli, cabbage, citrus, onions, garlic, cauliflower, peppers, or are spicy). Ah, me! Milk is in everything! While getting my hair done last week, I explained my conundrum to my aesthetician, and he recommended looking for vegan food. One of the stylists gave me some helpful tips, and now, while meat is still on the menu, so is vegan food so that my girls will be healthy and happy, and I can finally eat something dairy-like!

What Everyone Failed to Tell Me about Motherhood

I grew up knowing that motherhood was a hard thing. I remember women complaining about how difficult it was, and I rarely met a woman who seemed happy being a full-time mom. Indeed, it seemed like those who stayed home with children were constantly trying to prove their importance and value as great contributors of society while failing to believe it themselves.

Mothers seemed an unhappy lot who were waiting for their children to grow up so that they could follow their real dreams. They talked about how unrewarding and thankless motherhood was, and it seemed more like a death sentence than a chosen occupation. Some claimed that motherhood was a blessing in much the same way that others claim that difficult trials are a blessing long after the fact. It was as if they grouped the motherhood blessing with death, financial ruin, or like terminal illness as a painful teacher that stretches the soul.

What young woman would WANT to be a mother with an education and example like that? Oddly, and despite all of this, I remember deciding at age 16 that someday I wanted to be a mother. I decided, however, that for me it would be different. What made the difference for me? I knew that my dad loved being a dad, and I knew that my grandfather loved being a grandfather. Why, then, couldn't I love being a mother?

As a new mother, many told me how hard life was going to be, especially with twins. I knew that it would be a lot of work, but for me work does not equate to misery. I have basked in the beauty of these tiny souls and have enjoyed caring for them in spite of sleepless nights and days. They have not been a burden; they have been a joy. Even in exhaustion, they have been heavenly, and the very best kind of blessing.

While many are happy for me, oddly there are some still waiting, watching for that moment that they may toss their "I told you so's" my way. It's as if my joy is their burden. To them I say, motherhood is marvelous, exciting, adventurous, and requires a courageous and happy heart. Choosing to have a positive outlook on life doesn't mean that one does not face difficult circumstances, but it does mean choosing to find and focus on the good aspects of an experience. It may be challenging to do so at first, especially if one is accustomed to looking for and focusing on the negative, but like anything, it gets easier with practice. Succumbing to anxiety, fear, and negativity are not God's way. In fact, they are the opposite.

Looking for the good in one's life and being happy for another's happiness will make one happier much faster than finding fault with one's own life or with someone else. We find that for which we seek.

So what was it that all of those mothers failed to tell me? That motherhood is magical, exciting and fun! I completely understand that saying so puts me in the line of fire for those intent on proving me wrong, but I refuse to send deceptively negative messages about motherhood. We each choose our attitudes, and it's unfair to teach future mothers a negative attitude about motherhood.

Every job has aspects that we enjoy more than others, but at the end of the day, we either love what we do or we don't. How I love being a mother, come rain or shine. It's my favorite job yet, and I just gave up the best job I've ever had for the best job I'll ever have... being a professional mom.

This Post is Brought to You by...

The Letter S.

What Kind of People Own Dogs...

...that look like marshmallows?


People who own white leather couches and enjoy using flowy script fonts?

Dreams

I have been thinking a lot about what the coming years hold for us. I envision days spent working in the yard with my two tiny companions nearby, or exploring new sights together. I envision feeding tiny mouths and minds as we grow and learn together. I envision finishing my stories, not for fame or money, but because I find pleasure in them.

Life these days really is a dream. My days are filled with arms full of babies and learning how to do things one-handed or while feeding two hungry mouths or doing things a little at a time over several hours or days. They are filled with cheering over poopey diapers, guiding curious fingers away from delicate and shiny eyeballs, and discovering precious smiles and giggles hidden inside of tender sprouting souls. They are filled with desperate attempts to consume scraps of sleep, only to lie awake watching the monitor for any signs of movement or flipping through baby photos and videos on my phone.

These are precious days, collectively slipping by much too quickly, and sleep is a bargain price for the opportunity to hear a new coo or watch tiny hands begin to move with purpose and intent. Every new stage breaks my heart, knowing that I may never walk this road again, but at the same time I eagerly await the next stage. I long to hear tiny voices and watch wobbly knees support first steps. I anticipate looks of surprise during holidays or camping trips or trips to the zoo.

It's sacrificing dependent fragility for independent mobility, and being unwilling to cheat myself of the smallest crumb as I lick the plate clean of every precious moment of motherhood. I stand ready to guide two tiny lives, a willing and able partner at my side; uncertain of what the end result may be, but willing to invest myself completely in the adventure. My long awaited journey to the magnificent laboratory of motherhood has finally begun.

This is How We Roll

I have a standing lunch appointment with my girls. We're pretty tight.

In other news, our bathroom remodel is going well. Here is some of the creative tile-setting involved:

Getting back in shape after a c-section is no easy task. Things don't look quite like they used to, and my muscles are all stretched out from looking like this: 

On a personal note, I am getting some excellent empathy training. My doc finally approved exercise two weeks ago. My first workout was last week and my abs are officially trashed. I can't even do a sit-up. C explained that my muscles are like stretched out rubber bands. I have never had a belly before, so it's a new experience for me. I am not dieting because my milk production is finally satisfactory, so given my choice of priorities, it will take a while before I am back to my former size. 

I have managed to fit in eight Jillian workouts so far and recently added a light jog. I guess you could say that I get to have a real live Biggest Loser experience of my own! Needless to say, I will NOT be rocking a size 4 by my reunion in June (even if my some miracle I could lose the weight, my mega milk producers wouldn't allow for a top that size), but I WILL be the proud mama of two beautiful baby girls!