It's been a LONG year already...

Words can't express everything that has happened this year. Suffice it to say that challenges come our way when we least expect it. I think I have handled this one reasonably well, all things considered, but sometimes you think your life is on track and suddenly you find the earth crumbling beneath your feet and begin to wonder what was or is real anymore.

I have a family member who says things to me like, "Trials will come your way! Just wait!" I always silently muse because it is proof of how private I really am. This, too, will pass unnoticed, but I will hear those words again and smile to myself. Of course I have trials. I just don't make them everyone else's business.

At any rate some things have set me back this year, so I now have this big to-do list hanging over my head. I have turned down some amazing business and professional opportunities that I normally would never give up, but at this time it was simply the right thing to do. I am submitting to the human side of myself instead of turning on superwoman and trying to work miracles from a grain of sand. It has been a comfortable place, and a part of me is grateful that for once I am not pushing myself so hard.

You do that to sick kids?

There is something so sweet and vulnerable about sick children. Sure, they are tired, grumpy, weepy, clingy, and it's a lot of work to get them comfortable and feeling well. There are hours of worry and sleepless nights. Nobody wants to see a child miserable, and yet, I don't want to forget that sweet innocence as they relied on me for comfort, so I did it. I photographed them and even videotaped them. I captured the tears, the weariness, the sad little countenances because it helps me never take for granted the happy little faces of health.

Seven Hours

It is possible for a human being to cough for seven hours straight. I know from personal experience. Usually that also involves losing the contents of one's supper, but hey, I hit a record weight the next morning!

I think I have this whole weight thing down. I have only been able to exercise once this week, so I have cut out my snack and behold, I still lose weight! Hurrah! I lost 35 with Jillian's program before getting sick, so I am starting over again. I have another 15 lbs to go and I will be so very pleased to just maintain at that point. I will be swimsuit ready by summer if not earlier. I will say it again, it has been worth the journey, both gaining and losing. Nothing tastes as good as baggy clothes feel.

We sold our fitness center today. It was something that C wanted years ago and we bought it from a doctor who never used it. I have used it several times, but I have since learned that machines often don't provide the kind of resistance and muscle stability strengthening that can be had from free weights and plyometrics or metabolic training. I appreciate having the extra space to build a system that works better for me. We also sold the spin bike because I never wanted that either. Since C never uses our home equipment, this is my time to really build what I want since he had a great deal of say in what we purchased previously.

The past week has been a bit rough. We went to visit a family member two weeks ago and they failed to mention that one family member was very ill. We came home and due to weather didn't leave the house for a few days except to run some car errands. Within a few days Cricket sounded just like that sick family member! Grrr. Another day or two and Peanut had it, and then C and I. We have been to the hospital several times for suctioning to help them breathe and eat. Yesterday was very hard and today wasn't much better because of my all-night coughing and getting sick while trying to care for the little ones.

Well hello there, eyelids. You claim it is time to catch up on those lost hours of sleep over this past week. Okay, okay. Uncle.

Little Lovies

Today while attempting to make lunch, my little lovies both came up and hugged my legs at the same time. They made their lovie noises and then wandered back off to explore the bird's room. I stood there all covered in sparkley lovie dust and I think I flew a few inches off of the floor.

I ran in to check on the girls a few minutes later because Cricket sounded alarmed. Peanut had tipped over the vacuum cleaner and pointed at it with much animation on her face as if to say, "Mommy, I saw it move all by itself!" Needless to say, Cricket has a fearful fascination with the vacuum and is always a bit wary of its presence.

After lunchtime the girls went about exploring the kitchen and pulling out the stainless steel pots and pans which they have done so many times before, but this time Peanut stepped into the cupboard and then couldn't figure out how to get back out again. She has done this before when she climbed a stepstool and then tried to figure out how to get back down. The first attempt was less than graceful, but the second try turned out much better as I showed her how to use one foot at a time.

Last year I picked up a little push car for the girls at a yardsale and lately it has become a hot item. I discovered a second one online for $7 and the girls were a little excited about the new purchase.

We planned a trip to the zoo this week, but a big storm got in the way, so we ate some snow and then everything was better.

Lovies love yogurt, so I mix a little honey or Stevia into some plain Fage and then toss in some frozen berries. They love it and I love giving them something healthy, albeit messy!

We moved a plastic slide inside that a neighbor gave us and the girls are professionals now. They love to slide and also love to send things down the slide as well.

I never tire of hearing their giggles, their songs that usually consist of the word Mama repeated over and over, and even their little cries for help. They are my little lovies, and I hope that I can be worthy of their chubby little arms wrapped around an arm or leg or neck. They are so perfect and I can't imagine anything more perfect than being a mom.

A Tidbit of Blissful Irony

I miss writing. I really do. It's like going without exercise and your whole body starts yelling at you, "Hey, what's up? We want some MOVEMENT around here!" And if you fail to listen, it rebels with unsightly lumps and flab.

Thankfully, unlike my lack of writing lately, I have been listening to my body and the results are pouring in. 75 days into Jillian Michael's 90 day Body Revolution fitness program and I have dropped from a size 16 to a size 8. I still have two weeks left of the program and will get a little closer to my goal by the end, but I don't intend to stop there. I still have my flabby kangaroo pouch skin that will someday be rock-hard abs, but for now, it is just a sweet reminder that I really did carry two precious little souls inside of me.

While getting ready in my bathroom yesterday, my girls were excitedly emptying the vanity drawers of thrilling items like sparkling gold twisty curlers, a salt crystal deodorant stick from years ago when I thought that I could survive without antiperspirant, a colorful retainer case, a tube of lotion, and then my firstborn held up a little white package. It was an ovulation test. I stood there and smiled to myself at the irony of my child handing me an old ovulation test.

There are moments when I dance with my girls to love songs and I catch myself in tears at the beautiful truth that they are mine. I made it. I survived the long wait. I didn't have to wait an eternity after all, just a little more than a decade. I want them to know that I enjoy them, that I cherish them. I don't want their memories to be of me yelling at them. I want them to remember me looking into their eyes and smiling, knowing that no matter what, I still and always will love them.

Moving Day

There is this theory that you should always throw away stuff before you move so that you won't drag all of this junk along with you to your new home, but what if you don't have time? I guess that I am in a similar situation, but I am moving all of the junk from many locations to one. It doesn't make much sense except that I am hoping to consolidate it and move it strategically BACK to the former locations. I just have TOO MANY FILES right now, and sifting through hundreds of thousands of files, while immensely boring, will help me with my future endeavors, so here we go. Sorry, no time to write at this moment. I am slogging through MILES OF FILES!

Fa-La-La-La-La-La-La-La-LAAAA

To say that the holiday season has been anything short of blissful would be a lie. In my opinion, everything is more fun with babies. We try to focus on Christ at Christmas instead of a commercial Christmas, so we have been doing some fun activities. We visited a creche, the Dicken's Christmas, visited some religious sites and some other fun activities. Here we have our baby angels who really are angels! They are both walking now, too! How crazy is that. Ah, they are the gift that keeps on giving. Merry Christmas everyone!