Dreams

I have been thinking a lot about what the coming years hold for us. I envision days spent working in the yard with my two tiny companions nearby, or exploring new sights together. I envision feeding tiny mouths and minds as we grow and learn together. I envision finishing my stories, not for fame or money, but because I find pleasure in them.

Life these days really is a dream. My days are filled with arms full of babies and learning how to do things one-handed or while feeding two hungry mouths or doing things a little at a time over several hours or days. They are filled with cheering over poopey diapers, guiding curious fingers away from delicate and shiny eyeballs, and discovering precious smiles and giggles hidden inside of tender sprouting souls. They are filled with desperate attempts to consume scraps of sleep, only to lie awake watching the monitor for any signs of movement or flipping through baby photos and videos on my phone.

These are precious days, collectively slipping by much too quickly, and sleep is a bargain price for the opportunity to hear a new coo or watch tiny hands begin to move with purpose and intent. Every new stage breaks my heart, knowing that I may never walk this road again, but at the same time I eagerly await the next stage. I long to hear tiny voices and watch wobbly knees support first steps. I anticipate looks of surprise during holidays or camping trips or trips to the zoo.

It's sacrificing dependent fragility for independent mobility, and being unwilling to cheat myself of the smallest crumb as I lick the plate clean of every precious moment of motherhood. I stand ready to guide two tiny lives, a willing and able partner at my side; uncertain of what the end result may be, but willing to invest myself completely in the adventure. My long awaited journey to the magnificent laboratory of motherhood has finally begun.