What Everyone Failed to Tell Me about Motherhood

I grew up knowing that motherhood was a hard thing. I remember women complaining about how difficult it was, and I rarely met a woman who seemed happy being a full-time mom. Indeed, it seemed like those who stayed home with children were constantly trying to prove their importance and value as great contributors of society while failing to believe it themselves.

Mothers seemed an unhappy lot who were waiting for their children to grow up so that they could follow their real dreams. They talked about how unrewarding and thankless motherhood was, and it seemed more like a death sentence than a chosen occupation. Some claimed that motherhood was a blessing in much the same way that others claim that difficult trials are a blessing long after the fact. It was as if they grouped the motherhood blessing with death, financial ruin, or like terminal illness as a painful teacher that stretches the soul.

What young woman would WANT to be a mother with an education and example like that? Oddly, and despite all of this, I remember deciding at age 16 that someday I wanted to be a mother. I decided, however, that for me it would be different. What made the difference for me? I knew that my dad loved being a dad, and I knew that my grandfather loved being a grandfather. Why, then, couldn't I love being a mother?

As a new mother, many told me how hard life was going to be, especially with twins. I knew that it would be a lot of work, but for me work does not equate to misery. I have basked in the beauty of these tiny souls and have enjoyed caring for them in spite of sleepless nights and days. They have not been a burden; they have been a joy. Even in exhaustion, they have been heavenly, and the very best kind of blessing.

While many are happy for me, oddly there are some still waiting, watching for that moment that they may toss their "I told you so's" my way. It's as if my joy is their burden. To them I say, motherhood is marvelous, exciting, adventurous, and requires a courageous and happy heart. Choosing to have a positive outlook on life doesn't mean that one does not face difficult circumstances, but it does mean choosing to find and focus on the good aspects of an experience. It may be challenging to do so at first, especially if one is accustomed to looking for and focusing on the negative, but like anything, it gets easier with practice. Succumbing to anxiety, fear, and negativity are not God's way. In fact, they are the opposite.

Looking for the good in one's life and being happy for another's happiness will make one happier much faster than finding fault with one's own life or with someone else. We find that for which we seek.

So what was it that all of those mothers failed to tell me? That motherhood is magical, exciting and fun! I completely understand that saying so puts me in the line of fire for those intent on proving me wrong, but I refuse to send deceptively negative messages about motherhood. We each choose our attitudes, and it's unfair to teach future mothers a negative attitude about motherhood.

Every job has aspects that we enjoy more than others, but at the end of the day, we either love what we do or we don't. How I love being a mother, come rain or shine. It's my favorite job yet, and I just gave up the best job I've ever had for the best job I'll ever have... being a professional mom.

Drunk

Motherhood is positively intoxicating. I used to believe that pregnancy and giving birth somehow defined a mother, or made it more real, but I now realize that this is not the case. Those are almost entirely separate events when it comes to the real experience of motherhood. I guess what I am saying is that however those babies or children wind up in your arms, there is this beautiful, magical day-to-day love affair that takes place. It happens each time eyes connect, or skin is brushed, or tiny ears respond to that familiar voice. It happens each time tiny lips try to imitate what your lips are doing, or tiny cries are met with loving arms. Motherhood is pure, concentrated heaven, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Moxie for Motherhood

I remember the exact moment it happened. I was sitting on the ground with my back leaned up against the door of the DMV. It was 7:30 AM, and today I would get my driver's license. I was alone. I think I asked to be dropped off so that I could be the first person in line, and while I waited, I thought...

I thought about life, about being happy, and then suddenly, I felt it. I wanted to be a mom. I didn't know if I ever wanted to get married, but I knew that my heart latched on to motherhood that very moment, and it never went away. I was excited to be a mom, even if I never knew when that day would come. I thought about how motherhood was this laboratory with so many magical opportunities to serve, teach, and love. I was sixteen years old, and I knew I wanted to be a mom. 

Fortunately I overcame my fears about marriage with countless prayers, but motherhood is still the star I reach for. Not mournfully, not agonizingly, as some may feel when their desires go unfulfilled for longer than expected, but faithfully, hopefully, earnestly, joyfully, and quietly; while criticisms may swirl like dust-devils in the hot, dry sand, and fade again into nothingness, I reach, I dream, and I love those who are not yet mine.