Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Moxie for Motherhood

I remember the exact moment it happened. I was sitting on the ground with my back leaned up against the door of the DMV. It was 7:30 AM, and today I would get my driver's license. I was alone. I think I asked to be dropped off so that I could be the first person in line, and while I waited, I thought...

I thought about life, about being happy, and then suddenly, I felt it. I wanted to be a mom. I didn't know if I ever wanted to get married, but I knew that my heart latched on to motherhood that very moment, and it never went away. I was excited to be a mom, even if I never knew when that day would come. I thought about how motherhood was this laboratory with so many magical opportunities to serve, teach, and love. I was sixteen years old, and I knew I wanted to be a mom. 

Fortunately I overcame my fears about marriage with countless prayers, but motherhood is still the star I reach for. Not mournfully, not agonizingly, as some may feel when their desires go unfulfilled for longer than expected, but faithfully, hopefully, earnestly, joyfully, and quietly; while criticisms may swirl like dust-devils in the hot, dry sand, and fade again into nothingness, I reach, I dream, and I love those who are not yet mine.

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