Sunday, June 15, 2014


One of the things that I feel strongly about is allowing people to change when they are ready to change. We should not hold them to some past decision or behavior. While past behavior can be a strong predictor of future behavior, it should not be a prison from progress. One should not be verbally bruised daily or reminded of past wrongs either. That being said, I have journeyed lately into the recesses of my mind to resolve my understanding of this moral pillar in my belief system. Somehow I started to believe that forgiveness meant continuing to allow someone to continue to injure me. 

Forgiveness is freeing oneself from reliving past injury. The body does not differentiate between recalling details from the past and experiencing it firsthand, so by recalling insult or injury and not forgiving, the victim becomes a predator to him or herself, pouring trauma into the mind and body with every recollection. This is where freedom of self enters in. By releasing the offending party in thought, the victim is freed to heal. That doesn't mean that the offending party need be released from accountability, or reparation. It doesn't mean accepting the offenses as acceptable. It does not mean that the offending party should be warmly welcomed back in to continue to do harm. Forgiveness isn't necessarily embracing that individual again. It can be, but forgiveness can also mean releasing the offender from a former position of friendship to create a safe distance to protect oneself without a need to hold on to anger, spite, resentment, and other bitter, poisonous emotions. Sometimes forgiving means moving forward without that person, and allowing that person and yourself to move on to find happiness without expecting them to change, or submitting yourself to further injury. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

You may also want to read:

Related Posts with Thumbnails