This is Your Brain On Pregnancy

You've probably heard of the term "half-wit." I always thought it was some derogatory term that was used for one born with limited mental faculties, but now I would better define it as the diminished brain capacity of one who is pregnant. As a prior high-velocity performer, I now suffer from the very real, very painful reality that my brain is operating at a very different level while growing fetuses.

Today was supposed to be my last day of work. I finished an employee eval at 8:00 PM because it just took that long (and my day was packed full of meetings). I decided to squeeze in two more days of work just so I can wrap up some loose ends, but I'm not telling my employees that fact. Alas, perhaps I will feel finished to some extent come Friday.

Last night was a fun ride, full of crazy contractions, complete with nausea and sleeplessness. I started to wonder if these babies were going to attempt an escape in November after all! Fortunately, I think we can safely call them Snowbabies at this point. I love that work is keeping me so distracted from thinking about the birth. Despite my brain on babies and 5 hours of sleep, I was rather impressed with what I knocked out today.

Just two more weeks, and the wait will finally be over.

Dear EBay,

It's been a long time since we rubbed shoulders. Some things have changed, and overall, I have to say I am not dissatisfied with most of them. I like the new settings to control who bids on my product to help me have a successful auction. That's cool. I like the reserve feature. but not that I have to pay extra for it.

Somewhere along the way I forgot how thrilling it is to see bids come in and watch as the competitors dive in those last few minutes to pay a couple hundred dollars for something I managed to get for a killer deal under thirty! It's an adrenaline rush for a poor prego lady with very little excitement in her world!  Thanks for giving me something to do during these last couple of weeks of pregnancy. I now peruse the house thinking, "What can I sell next?" just so I can watch the bids come in. It's even better than posting something on Facebook and getting lots of comments and likes.

Anyway, I guess that's all I wanted to say.

Yours truly,
A

My Man Does Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was rather unique. C, whose many talents do not normally include cooking handled the meal for the first time ever.


Dinner consisted of yam casserole, turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, rolls, salad, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, and more. He cooked, he served, and he cleaned while I kept my puffy feet up. As shown here, the normal puffy state of my feet and legs. It's kind of cool because you can push on my legs and they stay dented. The Cabbage Patch puffy state would really freak you out.


My dad and brother joined us for dinner, which was delightful. They left shortly after we ate so I could take a nap and watch a movie. It was the best day ever.

Black Yesterday was a perfectly golden day. We didn't race off to fist-fights and cat-fights over inexpensive electronics or camp out to purchase game consoles at 4:00 AM. We didn't drive angrily around treating other people like obstacles instead of human beings. We just took it easy and enjoyed the brisk, but sunny day.

For C's birthday I surprised him in bed with a Petit Four topped with a candle, presents, and his two biggest fans, Penny and Kawi. They really TRIED to get along, but wound up competing for his attention, Penny with kisses and snuggles, and Kawi with copycat yawns. Oh, and yes, that squawk at the beginning is Kawi telling Penny that he isn't happy she's snuggled up to HIS C.

Birdie Contraband

We have certain limitations around our house. There are some items that are simply forbidden because they create trauma for our little birds. One item is brightly colored gloves. Penny nearly had a heart attack when the man delivering our jetted tub showed up with orange gloves.

Balloons are spheres of terror. At both of my baby showers I had to leave this paraphernalia behind, much to the delight of young attendees. Despite my filtering efforts, the birds STILL got freaked out by the gift bags.

Finally, I can't tell you how many kind friends have brought over plants as gifts. Poinsettias are especially poisonous to our very curious little crew, and there are a few others that fall in that category as well. Silk plants are a favorite of Kawi's, but fortunately they do no harm.

On another note, Penny has finally adapted to her new corner stand (after several modifications), and I have finally been able to look at her without disdain lately because the stand catches most of her mess. We have decided to be friends after all.

What I'll Miss About Being Pregnant

1. Feeling two little babies move around inside of me.
2. The progesterone-Valium effect. Very little ruffles my feathers these days. God gave us progesterone so we could have healthy babies and then the happy hormones go away leaving a basketcase/sleep deprived individual? I am still hoping to get through part II safely. Time will tell.
3. Knowing my babies are safe and secure, and knowing right where they are every minute of every day.
4. Auto-pilot feedings via this nifty placenta-umbilical contraption.
5. Feeling completely productive doing nothing because gestation takes so much energy and effort!

What I Won't Miss About Being Pregnant

1. Dysfunctional Extremities (numb, swollen hands, swollen feet, legs that move like I am 99 years old)
2. The inability to care for my own physical needs with normal length arms. I'll just leave it at that.
3. Blurry vision. Sure, I'd love to work until the day I deliver if I could read my computer screen.
4. Limited physical movement and energy. I can't wait to be able to bend at the waist again!
5. Constant congestion and the need to wear Breathe Right Strips at night (the cheap ones don't work, trust me on this).
6. Limitations on serious snuggle time with my best guy.
7. People constantly asking me how I am doing or just looking at me and saying, "I'm SO sorry!" It's been a good ride overall, and while I may look tired on the outside, I am very happy on the inside. I'm not sorry, or unhappy.

I am so incredibly grateful for it all because it means wee little ones, tiny fingers and footed pajamas that kick-kick-kick, and the rustle of a plastic diaper on a dimpled bum, and the need to change both of our clothes many times a day because we have spit-up or something worse on us. It means tired, long nights of tiny lungs trying to communicate that something isn't quite right, and knowing that those newborn cries won't last very long, and that someday I'll wish desperately that I could hear them again and again. It means fingernails and tiny toes that are so little and perfect that I can't stop looking at them, and pink padded lips dreaming of their next meal while perfect little eyelashes rest on chubby cheeks.


I guess what I am saying is that while I'll miss a few things about being pregnant, I can't wait for the next step, or rather leap into motherhood, all of it times two.

Epistles of the Rotund

Epistle 1: The fate of the non-superstitious


Nuf said?

Epistle 2: 49 and growing
Yesterday was a busy day. I had several returns and visits to make, so C offered his running compression socks to keep my feet from swelling. Alas, if only you could see the circus act it takes for him to put them on me, you'd be rolling on the floor with laughter.

My urgent errands included purchasing a stand for Penny so I didn't lose it when she makes messes. She is our mess-making training for babies, but I am eager to contain her enthusiastic eating style where she flips and tosses food across the kitchen. Who brought her home in the first place? Aye, that'd be me. SIGH.

I measured in at 49" this morning, which for some reason means I can no longer shave my legs. It is a sad day indeed, but trade that for sliding into week 35 with two 5 1/2 lb babies? I'm sold.

Epistle 3: When Labor and Delivery becomes my private getaway

I now visit my OBGYN every week, get an ultrasound every week, AND visit labor and delivery at the hospital every week. Friday evening C was working on a talk for church, so I wandered down to L&D and enjoyed a lovely chat with a young nurse while listening to my babies' heartbeats and watching my contractions on the monitor. I then sipped some apple juice and watched a favorite TV show while texting C. It was really quite enjoyable.

After my appointment C texted that if I felt up to it, a late-night snack might be in order, so I ran down to Zupas for the first time and came home with a healthy collection of eats, just as a gentle snow storm was settling in.

Epistle 4: To my Peanut and Cricket
Dear little ones,

I want you to know that I found you the best daddy ever. He's going to love you even more than he can imagine right now. I looked long and hard for him, but at last I found him, and then we just had to wait for the two of you!

I am sure I'll make many mistakes as I try to be the best mother I can be, but I will always know that I did one thing right, and that was finding your daddy. It won't be hard to guess that he will be your favorite, and that's okay with me because if I wanted it to be any other way, I would have picked someone who isn't a real live superhero, or funny, or FUN! or exciting! He will protect you and care for you even if it means giving his own life for you. He wouldn't give it a second thought, because that's just who he is.

I just thought you'd like to know,

Love,
Your mom

One More Week

Tomorrow is a big day. It marks week 33. One more week to 34. Week 34 is the day that I can stay in the hospital with my babies, the day they won't be whisked away from me. Week 34 is also the day that marks a significant drop in the average amount of time my babies will spend in the ICU, and the day that marks an almost certain survival rate for twins.

Swammp Thing meets Prince Charming

Yesterday morning I woke up before C. I brought him his favorite little bird, Penny, who nibbled on his ear in order to wake him up. Once she accomplished her objective, he rolled over and groped around for his phone. He pushed a few buttons and then held his phone toward me. A strange sound came from the phone, gurgling and growling, growing louder and angrier. It sounded like a badger, and then an angry bear, and then a combination of the Swamp Thing and an angry bear. Suddenly I laughed, "That's me, isn't it?" My snoring was so bad that C couldn't sleep. 100% more blood + 32 weeks prego = snoring monster.

Saturday was my second baby shower. It was a nice casual open house and mom made lovely soups and had a fabulous salad bar. Before I left, C was measuring the back of the baby mobile, and when I came home he had built a platform that fit in the back of the baby mobile. The double stroller slides beneath so that items may be easily loaded on top without losing storage space! Thanks, my handy inventor!

This morning C woke and without saying a word started diapering the stuffed animals in the baby's room where I was relaxing in the lazy boy. I had a good laugh as he put on quite the show, pretending to apply gobs of diaper rash cream and handing me newly diapered toys. How did I get so lucky!

Daylight savings meant I got to sleep more today. That was a happy thing for me, but someone forgot to tell our tiny birds that bedtime is now an hour later. Kawi was acting funny and preening C's socks of fuzz balls before I realized that he was exhausted and ready to go to bed despite what the clock said. Poor little guy! He seems to operate best on about 13 hours of sleep per night.

 At church I bore my testimony (an expression of my beliefs) since it could be several months before I get around to it again, depending on when the girls arrive. When I turned sideways to walk to the pulpit I heard a few gasps at my impressive side profile, somewhere between sympathy and alarm. Gotta love it. Still, everyone is extremely impressed that I have managed to stay off of bed rest, and I am just eager to keep it that way!

There's a Hole in the Bathroom, Dear Liza, Dear Liza...

My resident detective discovered a receipt for a small vanilla cone in the back of the new baby-mobile (vehicle, that is). "Huh, the previous owners must have left this in here." He thought. He walked up the stairs to the kitchen and shouted, "Egad! You did have an ice cream cone!" Crumbling under the pressure of being discovered I asked how he knew. "The corn dog coupon for Sonic on the counter." Alas, my forensic husband knows me well.

I just sent my brother to bed for a nap. I picked him up early to pick up a Christmas Tree tag, and we drove up the canyon, enjoying a beautiful golden morning only to find that they were sold out. Returning home we ate and after playing a computer game together, he grew very grumpy. He resisted the nap, but only momentarily.

I, too am attempting a nap in the baby room because there is too much action happening in my bedroom. The sound of a 16 penny framing nailgun echoes through my bedroom and a few bees have started exploring my bathroom as potential winter quarters. I hate to tell them of their imminent doom. Despite the large hole in the side of my house where the new window will go, I am delighted to have this final bathroom under construction. The 6' jetted tub is shrink-wrapped and waiting to settle into its permanent home once the window is complete. 

This week we also installed a dimmer switch in the nursery. This also means I need to stock up on soon-to-be-illegal incandescent light bulbs since those stupid florescent bulbs don't dim and make a horrible buzzing sound. What a rude awakening the U.S. will have when that sneaky law discontinues production of incandescents in favor of the ozone. You'd think they would have at least attempted to find a suitable solution first, but thinking things through isn't everyone's strong suit.

Our candy-free Halloween was once again a success. Despite the fact that adults may think it's lame to hand out playdough, kids card games, plastic wands, vampire teeth and other trinkets, kids dig it. "You guys are the coolest!" I think they just like the idea that it's different... or something. Can't really say, but we didn't get a single kid who acted even remotely disappointed.

The worst comment we got was, "Argh. Why do you have to make it so hard to CHOOSE!" This as the child mulled over the mini jacks set, the little parachute dude, and the mini slinky. Mario and Luigi came back for a second round of "prizes," but we didn't mind. They were so darn cute. 

And last but not least, Cricket and Peanut were delightful this week. They seem to get more and more active every day, despite their shrinking environment. Cricket had the ultrasound tech scrambing to take pics as she put on quite the show, and when we left, she said, "You have to know these are the CUTEST pictures. Really!" Cricket opened her eyes, sucked her thumb, stuck her foot in her mouth, yawned and more during her US this week. She has been stretched horizontally across my torso with her head on my left and her bum on my right side, and kicks like Thumper in Bambi.



The photo below shows her snuggled up next to Peanut's head, despite being separated by the placenta, sucking her little thumb.