Saturday, October 9, 2010

Hate is Not the Opposite of Love

"I am in really good shape right now," C said last night as we ran to an authentic mex-restaurant to share some fajitas. "I ran six miles at 8 minute miles and didn't even feel winded!" I may be biased, but I whole-heartedly agree. I keep telling him he needs to run a qualifier pace for the Boston Marathon, considering he was so close with his latest marathon time. I don't think he has grasped the vision of how amazing it is to have an entire city come out to support a marathon, and so I persist. That just has to be thrilling!

C has been particularly good to me lately, despite my sleep-deprived grumpitude. He has been keeping the sink free from dishes, AND unloading them AND reloading them! Oh, and sweeping! Of course, with Penelope, that is a daily task now. She is so incredibly talented at spreading food in a five foot radius of wherever her dish is positioned.

We had one argument this past week and it went like this... I had received three hours of sleep, and spend the rest of the time programming. C woke up and was in a hurry to get to work. I walked upstairs and said, "I could use a hug."

"Well, just wait."

"How long?"

"Maybe five minutes." I walked off, trying to decide what to do for five minutes to kill time waiting to get a much needed hug. Later, I walk out of the bathroom, and C immediately gave me a hug.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I had to wait five minutes for a hug!" I said. Don't judge me too harshly. Sleep deprivation does this to you. We then exchanged some words about how tired I was and he asked why I didn't just go to bed, and I said I had to go to work, and I told him to be patient with me because I was such a mess without sleep, stuff like that. And then we had a make-up dinner later that night, which was loverly, and a couple of days later, C showed up with some flowers. "Because you need them," he said.

We are a silly pair, but I never can get enough of that man, rain or shine. He is such an amazing guy. I can honestly say that I have never felt regret for marrying him, even when we disagree. And did you know that it is possible to still feel a ton of love in your heart toward someone even when you are upset that they made you wait five minutes for a hug? I guess I always figured that logically, one emotion is in play at a time, but it simply isn't the case. You can adore someone while feeling frustrated or angry or sad.

My mission president once told me, "Hate is not the opposite of love. Hate means that you care enough about someone to feel something toward them. Apathy is the opposite of love. It means you don't care enough to feel anything about someone." I have never felt hate toward C, and I don't think I ever will, but he's always tickling my thoughts and my heart. I tell him to be safe every day because I can't imagine life without him.

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