A Double Shot of MC

Favorite quote of the week: 
"Your CEO told me he'd pay me $1000 a week if I'd do the laundry and dishes for you." From my million dollar man who has been keeping house for me while I run myself into the ground. And no, he's not getting paid to do it. 

I sat in an operating prep-room yesterday morning in my business clothes while I watched the doctor roll a tube of cortisone and Novocaine in his hands. "It's been sitting in my car, so I am trying to warm it up." Warning sign number one.

He attached the needle and shot it into my left shoulder while it burned like BLEEP, and then I heard him say, "Uh-oh." Cold cortisone viscosity + tiny needle = blockage. Warning sign number two.

A second needle was attached and once again my shoulder burned like BLEEP while he injected it again, this time completing the injection. "Do you want to lie down?" Asked the nurse. I said I was fine even though I was lying. I needed to race off to a meeting. "All of the color has left your face." She said. Rather than pass out on the freeway, I concluded that I should swallow my pride, be a wimp, and lie down.

When you are preparing to meet a group of 2600 people who you have invited to come to a conference, all of these REALLY important problems start to formulate in your mind. In comparison with all you have been through to put this thing on in the first place, these Herculean concerns start to override everything else:

1. What is the balance between dressy-casual and professional, and darn it, what am I going to wear?
2. How am I going to find time to work out this week while staying in a hotel with people who are going to try to track me down?
3. What should I do with my hair?
4. Am I going to put on ten lbs and look fat on stage?
5. Am I supposed to be funny while MCing this event?

Incredibly, somewhere between 3:00 p.m. yesterday and 7:00 a.m. today I managed to find answers to all of these problems.

1. The CEO said I should convey the brand of the conference, while he should convey the brand of the company. The conference staff polos just weren't saying "professional" to me, so at the recommendation of the CEO, I called Banana Republic and asked them to pull a couple of shirts for me, was out of the store in a few minutes with my purchase, and in front of the embroidery machines ten minutes later.

2. I had the concierge hide me in the hotel strategically so that I could access the fitness center without using the elevator. All I need is someone following me down to the fitness room to ask me questions while I work out. You don't even want to go there.

3. My stylist took the time to teach me a new trick with my hair last weekend ("beachy curls"). Not one to leave things to chance, I purchased the exact same equipment she used, and yesterday I did it! It worked!

4. I weighed myself this morning, and am proud to say that while I have fluctuated over the past few months, I am officially going into the week of the conference with no additional poundage. {Applause}

5. Speaking never bothers me. I don't get nervous or jittery, but yesterday I was supposed to turn in my "script" as an MC. I have been so busy, I haven't had any time to think about it. First, I do know how to make a script sound funny, even though I don't like to use a script at all. Alas, over a light dinner of soup and salad last night, C and I joked about how to bring the humor. When I woke this morning, it was all there, floating around in my head!

Speaking of speaking, tomorrow I am teaching Sunday School. C recommended that I get a substitute, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I love teaching the scriptures so much. To make sure that I wasn't overburdened with pressure, I prepared my entire lesson last week, and even printed out all of my materials and handouts ahead of time.

Today I will finish my MC script. Somewhere in there I will find time to pack for the week and work out as well. Monday I will finish my conference class presentation. Wednesday I will rehearse. Thursday it will all begin with an early VIP breakfast, and Saturday it will all conclude with a reception and awards ceremony.