Sunday, May 22, 2011

Interpretation vs. Fact

PART I: General Application
I might have mentioned that I had this really cool opportunity to meet with an management coach at work - I guess that despite my futile efforts to avoid management, I was identified as one individual to try this out. It came right when I needed it, really. I was trying so hard to do everything right, but those managing me were giving me some interesting feedback that was not very actionable. Rather than taking accountability and trying to seek for additional understanding, I let those words become weights on my soul. They circulated in my head like a never-ending rolls of subtitles, and I managed to get very discouraged. Nobody intended that when they gave me the feedback, but I took it very badly.

Since I am writing this for a friend, let me just say, I don't know if you have actual words or just ideas in mind, but since I have a semi-photographic memory, I could remember whole conversations and played the negative parts of them back, over and over again. It was VERY self-destructive.

Alas, enter coach. She asked me to tell her what had been said to me. I did. She asked, "Is that an interpretation or fact?" I started trying to explain this or that, but she interrupted, "Interpretation or fact?"

"Interpretation, I guess..." I said.

"If it's interpretation, then you just let it roll off of your back." She then proceeded to tell me a little secret about interpretations. When someone tosses an interpretation your way, you listen to see if there is any truth in it. If not, you just say in your mind, "Meh. Interpretation. They must be telling me something about themselves." If there was any truth in what they said, then it was my job to draw out the fact, thus:

"I'm not sure what you are saying there. Could you help me understand what you are saying in actionable terms?" She also helped me identify that when I had an emotional response to something someone said, that this is a good indicator that there might be some truth in it. If I didn't have an emotional response, I could just say, "It's not true," and move past it. So friend, what I am NOT saying here is that you are upset because there is truth in what you may have heard/read. What I AM saying is, if it's interpretation, it's just fluff! Don't let other people's interpretations bog you down from being A+ amazing you! Just let it roll and be confident that you are doing the right things at the right time for you in your situation. Giggle inside because they are probably revealing something about themselves, but be careful not to place interpretations on others' actions or words. Listen for fact, and ONLY fact. If there is no fact in what they say, it isn't worth a single thought in your vibrant and brilliant mind.

PART II: Personal Application
On a more personal note, and I mean personal because this is something I never talk about here. We have been unable to have children for almost 12 years now. At first, I was very discouraged, but I have this really cool relationship with God. Everyone can have the same thing, it's just that not everyone THINKS they can. Good grief, we are his CHILDREN. He doesn't ignore us or forget us. He loves us and more than anything, he wants us to be happy! We can talk to him just like we do a parent, and though there are people of faith who can guide us in our relationship with God, we can speak to him anytime, any day!

So I asked God what to do. I won't disclose all of the details, but I got an answer! Around that time I heard this story of a woman who had been without children for ten years and then things just worked out! She spent ten years being miserable, and when she finally had a child, she thought, "Why did I waste the last ten years being so sad?" I knew that it was going to be at LEAST ten years for me, because something whispered to my heart that this was going to be the case. I also knew I had a choice. I had already spent two years being unhappy each month, counting each late day, crying and feeling so painfully sad, and especially feeling judged.

I chose to be private about my situation because I didn't think it was anyone else's business. When people asked, I just told them how grateful I was for them respecting my privacy. There are always exceptions, like those who are in similar circumstances, but in general, procreation in marriage is very sacred and private, and anyone inquiring about intimate details of my life doesn't deserve the time of day. I know popular media communicates a different message about sexual relationships, but I have never been a Hollywood "sheep."

The other thing is that while you and your husband do need to ultimately know where the problem rests (and it could be both, of course), we made a decision early on that we would NEVER disclose those details to ANYONE, not even family. The fact of the matter: we are married, WE have this issue, and it is NOBODY's business as to the details. It has provided a very unified, beautiful relationship, which is exactly what God wants for all of us to have, whether you are religious or not. I know you have that relationship with your man, so keep it strong!

That's all I wanted to say. Little long for a comment, I am sure you will agree. Be Golden, Pony(less) Girl! :D E-mail me anytime. You bring so much beauty to this world!

P.S. I happen to be familiar with the health laws of your homeland and I am pretty confident you have been through the ringer already. My situation has taught me not to judge where others are in life, but to know that God has a different plan for each of us, and other's plans aren't any of my business. It's between that individual and God to figure that out.


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