On Pre-Motherhood

When you have waited as long as I have to have children, even 16 diapers a day sounds like a reasonable way to spend your time. You cherish things like morning sickness because you just feel so lucky to experience it at all. You cherish every little step along the way, and think, if I only ever get to hear that heart beating and then it all goes awry, I will count myself immensely blessed. You look at those tiny faces and recognize something familiar. You promise yourself that any tragedy to follow will be worth these precious moments of watching tiny hands lifted to tiny faces and tiny legs kicking wildly inside of you. 


You count every step, every ache, every 30th trip to the bathroom a blessing because you don't know how it will all turn out, and you don't know if you will ever travel this road. You look at your swelling body and love it, you listen to your asthmatic breathing and embrace it. You are in awe that you get to even experience for a moment this wistful dream that so many take for granted. You choose it all, you embrace it, you cherish it. It isn't a burden; it's an honor.