Friday, January 1, 2010

They were watching us like HAWKS!

We both worked on the 31st, and stopped by a healthy salad buffet on our way home. C insisted that I pick our table, and I innocently selected a table across from an elderly couple. While C left to wash his hands, I arranged our plates, and then headed off for a little soup. A few minutes later, C met me next to the soup.

"You had to pick THAT table? They are going to stare at us the WHOLE time!"

I brushed it off, thinking that he was just being a bit paranoid, and reminded him that he had been adamant about me selecting our seat. We sat down, and the couple turned their heads to look at us. What happened next made me feel a bit like I had just entered the Twilight Zone (great movie, by the way). They not only turned their heads to look at us, but they physically shifted their bodies so that they were completely facing us! And they stayed that way THE ENTIRE MEAL, watching us! Ironically, even though they had arrived long before we did, they did not leave until we did, which made our meal feel a bit like we were in a fishbowl.

We did our best to have a nice meal together, but you certainly limit your conversation when two people are intently staring at you. I hope we provided some good entertainment, at least. I glanced their direction once or twice, but they just kept staring. We had a good laugh after the fact, and when they got up to leave, I even smiled and politely nodded to the woman. "Okay, you were right," I said to C. "They DID stare at us the whole time." Touche. Maybe they are in league with the white-clad woman at the Olive Garden, and as part of a secret geriatric society, they vow to avenge wrongs directed at the well-seasoned ilk of society. Stranger things have happened, my friends.

I had this GRAND idea for our New Year's celebration. I am sure you have seen the old, open a wine bottle with a machete trick. No? Well, considering our Mormon no-alcohol status, my mind leaped to the bottles of Martinelli's Cider in the basement. Considering we are sword-deficient (although we have a machete somewhere . . . ) I next thought of the knife my dad gave to me. It's ALMOST as big as a short sword.

I let C do the honors. He gave it a good shake, even though that is NOT recommended. "I really don't think this is going to work." He said, skeptically. Then came the movie-worthy POP! and the top of the bottle shot off somewhere across the yard, hopefully missing the quail hiding out in our blue spruce. Apple juice poured out in splendor, and C took a sip straight from the bottle. It was a glorious success. I KNOW! You are DYING to try it? Okay, okay, here is the trick:

1. find the seam on the bottle
2. firmly hold the bottle almost horizontal to the ground with the seam facing up
3. don't aim the bottle at anything you prize or don't want to get sued for
4. with a large, heavy knife, short sword, machete, or other heavy sword, quickly slide up the seam along the neck and strike right where the lip meets the seam, making sure that the flat part of the knife strikes as much of the lip as possible
5. let some of the contents spill out to remove any glass shards, pour into a glass and check again for shards before serving

And there it is! Five easy steps to make you popular at parties! (if they trust you enough to let you in with a machete).

P.S. In case you were wondering, the knife struck on the tallest part of the bottle. When you get good at this, you can make a straight break at the lip.

One last hurrah for New Year's Day; while I was taking the picture of the knife, I glanced up and saw this prismatic abstraction of our beautiful Christmas tree. We are taking it down tomorrow, so this is a final shot of this beautiful creation gracing our home and adding to the Christmas Spirit.

And Resolutions? Do share, if you will!

1 comment:

  1. No resolutions.

    Want to come to dinner? I'll open the blinds and put benches outside for onlookers.


You may also want to read:

Related Posts with Thumbnails